Guillotine

I woke up suddenly this morning at 3:37. Partly because I was hungry, but mainly because I just realized I’ve met a lovely man who is going to cause me pain.

I don’t know how much — it could be anything from band-aid level to losing a limb — and I don’t know when, but it’s coming.

Then I got to thinking how that’s all love is. Loving someone is like putting part of you under the guillotine and letting them be in charge of the rope. If you are tremendously lucky, you get a few decades before you realize this. Then your dog dies, or your father, or your lover, and the curtain lifts.

Then I started wondering whether love and God are the exact same thing.

Because watching all of us, and I mean all of us, trying to take care of each other, wiping each other’s noses and sharing our last sandwiches — even when we suck at it, even in actual war zones — watching all these hearts doing their stupid blossoming, again and again, under the dead certainty of pain, I’m telling you, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

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One Response to “Guillotine”

  1. ron Says:

    once, someone asked me what the most scary thing i’d ever done was. took me a little while to get past the clichéd, obvious dangerous things. then, “told someone i loved them.” i still think that’s the hardest thing to do — it’s scary!

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