Archive for July, 2010


July 13, 2010

My position is, if there were a Toilet Olympics, the United States would win.

Consider the competition:

In Brazil, you aren’t supposed to sit on the toilet seat, because of cholera.

In France, they simply don’t install toilet seats. They prefer a naked, cold, filthy rim.

In Japan, the toilets have built-in bidets and simulated flushing.* Sissy.

British bathrooms are OK: clean and well-stocked with terrible paper towels and polite, long-winded notes: “Please don’t flush anything but loo roll, as our pipes are a trifle delicate and even a modest clog may have dire consequences.”

Still, American bathrooms are #1, for three reasons: 1) marble 2) marble 3) hands-free soap dispensers. In a moment of patriotic pride, I mentioned this fact to my English coworkers. They disagreed.

“American washrooms are nice. Except for the gap.”

The gap?

It wasn’t that I’d never noticed the gap – you know, between the stall and the door. I’d simply assumed all countries have the gap. How else do you peek at who just walked into the bathroom?

But English bathroom stalls are completely gapless. No gaps, ever, anywhere! This makes them much better for traditional English behavior, like being modest and snorting coke.



* A little button you push to produce the sound of a toilet flush to cover any other, ahem, noises that happen to emit from, ahem, you.



July 7, 2010