Archive for December, 2009

Thames

December 23, 2009

I took this because the boat is called the “Hollywood.”

Puke

December 23, 2009

London has a lot of puke in the streets.

This is one of the things they don’t mention in the guidebooks.

I mean, I’ve lived in a lot of grotty cities. Including New York, the grottiest of them all. And it’s fair to say that London takes the upchuck cake. Unsurprising, once you’ve observed how much English lads can drink in a night.

I mentioned this observation to my friend David, who is British but lives in LA, expecting him to defend his native turf. Instead, he launched into a bit of a diatribe. “Yes, that’s one thing I don’t miss. It’s in the corners, the gutters, the middle of the sidewalk. And there’s all varieties, too: runny, chunky, yellow, frozen…” I stopped him there.

And I’ll stop here. There’s really nothing more to say on the subject.

Flat

December 20, 2009

I was hoping that apartments here would be more interesting than they are in LA. I have not been disappointed.

I saw one in a converted pub, with beautiful high ceilings and original details. The problem was the décor: a taut leather loveseat, cowhide rug, hulking black chandelier, and custom blinds on every window featuring photographs of cancan dancers in mid-kick.

The next possibility was a charming basement apartment with a bedroom so small the bed was custom made to fit, and a dining room with a six-foot barrel ceiling, like a hobbit’s wine cellar. I actually considered this one, but decided the subterranean entrance, with glass French doors, didn’t provide enough security.

On Museum Street, there was a place you entered via a gangplank over the skylight of a Japanese restaurant. The living room window looked out on a church steeple. This sounds nice, but was really just a solid wall of granite which, presumably, rings on Sundays.

Then there was a loft in an old factory, with green floors, walls covered in a fuzzy green material like Astroturf, and a bathtub prominently situated in the living room. This is the one I put an offer on.